Last night, I went home with the intent of doing a read-through of Dance With the Devil. Well, a read-through of what I have written, anyway. Instead, I decided to curl up with my e-cigarette (four days in and still smoke free!!) and embrace my inner couch potato. My daughter and I watched Finding Carter, and then, once she went to bed, I watched The Loft.
Oh………..my……………gawd…………….
My jaw is still sore from hitting the floor so many times.
On top of that, I watched Chef this past weekend, a Jon Favreau flick I have been SUPER-excited for. Have any of you seen this movie????? OMFG!!! You haven’t?!?!?! You NEED TO!!!!
Today I am going to talk a little bit about both. There might be some gushing, so, please, feel free to bring your barf bags. And don’t worry, both reviews are SPOILER-FREE.
In This Post:
- Review of The Loft
- Review of Chef
THE LOFT
Oh……..my………..gawd…………
I’m going to be honest with you all here because I feel like we have a good relationship where I can just open up to you about anything.
If this movie had been about a cross-dressing Wall Street broker who liked to spend his spare time herding eels coated in Vaseline, I still would have watched it because, quite frankly, I want to do dirty, dirty things to Karl Urban.
Shameful things.
Things that are illegal in at least twelve countries.
Maybe thirteen….
Sorry. Got distracted.
Of course, The Loft is nothing like the ridiculous plot line I mentioned above. The basic premise is The Loft is this: Five dudes all share ownership of a loft apartment so they have a discreet place to go to bang chicks who are not their wives. The movie opens with one of them showing up to find a dead and bloody chick handcuffed to the headboard and no sign of forced entry.
To set the stage a bit, when watching this movie, I was all by my onesie in my bedroom. There are some plot twists in this movie that had me yelling “NO FUCKING WAY!!!” at my television. Yes, me, a grown-ass adult, yelling at my TV. I’m a writer. I look for oncoming plot twists whether I am reading a book or watching a movie. I can usually spot shit coming a mile off, and when a twist floors me the way two in particular did, I am beyond impressed.
The only thing that I could see being an issue with some viewers of this movie is there is a lot of time jumping – present, then past, then further in the past, then present, and so on and so on. It wasn’t an issue for me, but I could see it confusing some people. Trust me, just stick with it. It’s so worth it.
Now my favorite part.
Karl Urban gets naked.
That’s right, bitches.
You read that right.
He gets starkers.
You only see his booty, but the little strip show is worth it anyway:
*faints and falls face-first on the floor*
Two thumbs up and bonus points for the mostly nude shot of my future ex-husband!!!
CHEF
I started this movie out wanting to punch Dustin Hoffman in the suck hole. Well, not Dustin himself. I love Dustin. Dustin is the man. His character, however, deserves an enthusiastic kick to the bean bag.
Okay, let’s rewind a bit.
Chef is a flick that the always amazing Jon Favreau wrote, starred in, and 
directed, the Holy Hollywood Triumvirate. I would like to say for the record that anyone who can wear that many hats when making a frikkin movie deserves the label of ‘superhero’. You hear that Favreau?? You’re a fucking superhero and I heart you.
Back to the movie.
Chef opens with our main character, Carl, beyond stoked about the night ahead of him. He’s the chef at a restaurant and a big, important reviewer is coming in to do his thing. Just before the chef is about to go balls to the wall and impress the shit out of the food critic, Hoffman’s character, the owner of the restaurant, steps into the kitchen and tells him not to change the menu. And so begins the downward spiral that leads to the movie’s tagline:
“Starting from scratch never tasted so good!”
See? With the kicking and the bean bag??? Had he not stuck his nose in at the last minute, there would have been no starting over needed! Oh, gawd, that made me so angry. lol
BUT….
No starting over would have equaled no movie, so, it is what it is. lol
Chef has a 
spectacular cast across the board. I happen to be a big fangirl for a few of them – Jon Favreau, John Leguizamo (ROCKSTAR!!), Oliver Platt, and Robert Downey Jr. I love all four of these guys so much. RDJ only does a brief cameo, but it’s so damned hilarious, he totally steals the scene.
The movie also stars Sophia Vergara. Prior to Chef, I was not a huge fan of hers because I cant stand Modern Family. *ducks before flying tomatoes can hit me in the face* However, she totally won me over in this movie. Her belief in Carl and her drive to see him be happy doing what he loves fuels a lot of the momentum in this movie. As an audience member, I wanted more than anything to see him come out on top. Her character was easy to identify with because you can relate to her need to see him succeed.
Overall, this movie was excellent on all levels. The story is so sweet and at times a little heart breaking. Favreau and everyone there on board with him knocked it WAY out of the park. The only thing I will warn you of is make sure you have snacks handy because this movie will make you so frikkin hungry, you just might eat your remote if you find yourself ill-prepared.
So, that’s it for me today. If you haven’t seen them, you all NEED to see both of these movies. Check them out and then tell me what you thought!
