My dream house would be dope AF.

My dream house would have to be located in the southwestern part of the United States (but not Texas). Somewhere between Arizona, Nevada, and southern California. I want the property to be vast, surrounded by desert, but just driving distance to water. I love the tiny desert town of Meadview, Arizona but not the fact that they get snow. I would be perfectly happy if I never laid eyes on another snowflake again. Growing up in New Hampshire has completely cured me of any romantic notions about winter. I would want to limit my continued exposure to any type of ice falling from the sky. I think I would be right at home somewhere out in the desert just to the west of Las Vegas. Enough middle-of-nowhere energy to feel the peace of the desert every day but only a four hour drive to Los Angeles. The desert and chasm of space between me and any neighbors are also important because the whole compound would be solar-powered.

The house itself would be an obnoxiously large Spanish Hacienda style construction. We’re talking ten thousand square feet at least. The walls would either be stone or adobe (or a mix of the two if it looks pretty). I would want there to be a massive covered outdoor patio big enough for a twelve-person dining table, couches, swings, a bar, an outdoor fireplace, and a stone grill. The covered patio would lead out to an open courtyard located at the center of the home.

In lieu of a pool or fountain, there would be a rooftop glass atrium. It would be filled with tropical plants (+ the devil’s lettuce), couches, and telescopes for star gazing. I would definitely do a lot of writing there.

There would need to be at least four bedrooms, a dedicated office with tons of built-in book cases, a spacious living room with tons of cushy couches, a Roman shower big enough for a rugby team, and a secret door.

So, in my little day dream, the secret door has always been a T.A.R.D.I.S. because I love Doctor Who like cake. It would play on the whole ‘bigger on the inside‘ shtick because you’d be stepping into a police box and coming out in a massive hidden room.

However, I also feel like having a Billy Shakes bust with the flip-top head and hidden button like Bruce Wayne’s Bat Cave entrance would be a total missed opportunity given that I’m a bit of a Bat-freak. So I’m going to say, for now, that it would be one of them that hides the secret door.

Screw it! I’ll have both. One at one end of the house and one at the other. Back to the secret room. This would be located below ground. It wouldn’t be shown on any blue print. My secret room would be a house-sized library and underground survival bunker.

I’m talking three levels of books with giant rolling ladders, bunks tucked in here and there, a pantry stocked with food and water, a full kitchen, and everything else we’d need to stay safe during the zombie apocalypse. Because, you know, zombies.

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