I’m a coffee addict. It’s no secret. Nine times out of every ten you see me, I’m probably clutching a coffee cup like a frikkin life raft. I’m a serious coffee snob, too, but not in the way one might expect.
And this is where I bear my soul and make a confession to all of you lovely readers. A confession the likes of which may run a real chance of igniting World War III…
I hate Starbucks. Well, hate is maybe overstating it a bit. I strongly dislike Starbucks. I think most of it tastes like refried dog poo and I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would want to drink a $5.00 cup of coffee.
I will admit, during the Christmas season, I am a big fan of their peppermint mocha latte, but I can only buy a small and I can only drink about half of that. The drink is so rich that I just feel like SHIT by the halfway point and I simply can’t take anymore without hugging a trash barrel.
Additionally, I don’t like being corrected when I ask for a “large” coffee. If you have to correct me and tell me that what I *really* want is a venti, trust that I will not think twice about letting you know that I think you’re a pretentious dick. To be fair, this does not happen at every Starbucks. I didn’t go through that when I was forced to drink Starbucks at Planet Hollywood during my book signing in Las Vegas.
I want a large.
Just give me a frikkin large!
Also, while I’m taking a moment to bitch, I hate that look people give you like you’re somehow less than them because you’re not dumb enough to get conned into paying $5.00 for a cup of coffee. I hate to break it to you, but I’m not the one getting financially boned over something that costs, like, $0.07 to make at home. Retail. lol
And if their prices and shitty coffee didn’t make me dislike them enough, that stupid cup “controversy” most certainly drove the nail into the coffin for me.
Yeah, I dislike Starbucks.
Dunkin Donuts (I live in the northeast) has also lost its charm with me. I used to be a big Dunkin’s fan. These days, it just tastes like it’s made with dirty toilet water. It doesn’t seem to matter which one I go to, they all taste the same and it’s not good. Yucky.
The point. I swear there is a point.
I recently discovered McDonald’s coffee. I know! It’s McDonald’s, but you have to trust me on this. McD’s makes what is perhaps the best tasting cup of coffee I’ve ever had from a drive-thru. It requires very little cream or sugar and it’s sooooooooooooooo smooth. Plus, just look at their Christmas cup. 🙂 I kind of love it.
I know it’s not Newman’s Own coffee anymore, but whatever black magic or voodoo the peeps are McD’s are performing, you bitches got it NAILED.
A few weeks ago, I added a step to my morning routine. I used to arrive at my day job every day approximately thirty minutes early. After seeing the astronomical cafeteria charges on my paycheck stub (most of which is made up of coffee purchases, by the way), I decided it was time to do something about it. In the mornings, I started diverting from my normal route to take a special trip to McD’s. For what it costs me for one coffee at work (coffee that kind of BLOWS, I have you know), I can get two large coffees of java goodness from McD’s and I enjoy it far more ($2.18, bitches!). I don’t get to work a half hour early anymore, but my mornings are sooooooo much better with good coffee involved.
I’m telling you all this because I wanted to share something with you. I was sitting here today twiddling my thumbs because it’s two days before Christmas and the day job is DEAD right now. I happen to glance over at the side of my cup at an image I’ve seen a million times in the last two weeks and paid NO ATTENTION to:
That’s right! They have a coffee club app! An app which rewards me with free coffee simply for having a coffee addiction. Lol I have an Android phone and I got it right on Google Play. I’m sure it’s available for iPhails, too, but I didn’t check. When I searched the app, it comes right up as McDonald’s with no mention of the coffee thing. However, it’s right at the top of the screen once you download the app and open it.
Anyway, for my fellow coffee snobs, I figured you might enjoy this app. 🙂 And if you haven’t tried McD’s coffee, I highly suggest giving it a try! 🙂 Good stuff, I promise!
Time for me to get back to writing! Dance With the Devil isn’t going to finish itself!
*De gustibus non est disputandem.* You don’t like Starbucks coffee; I do. You like McD’s coffee; I avoid it. That said, I never pay more than $1.95 for a cup of joe at Starbucks, and often far less. I only get a fancy drink when I have a freebie coming; otherwise I stay for hours on a small drip coffee with free refills.
Please take the above with lots of 🙂 🙂 and as much sugar and cream as you wish….
[…] an iced coffee girl with quite possibly the most complicated coffee order I’ve ever heard, and as we’ve already discussed here on the Bloggy Blog, I’m a coffee snob. I like my coffee. I’m an asshole without my coffee. And nothing makes me more bitchy […]